


Oh My Fucking God

by punahukka



Category: Marvel (Movies), Thor (2011), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Blue and proud!, Cussing, Drunkenness, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-06
Updated: 2011-12-06
Packaged: 2017-10-27 00:38:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punahukka/pseuds/punahukka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has fallen to Earth and meets Mystique in a bar. They get drunk, have common issues and talk about their feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh My Fucking God

**Author's Note:**

> Playing with Marvel's toys; no profit made.

 

They meet in a bar somewhere in New Mexico.

It’s not an ideal place to meet anyone: an elderly gentleman at the far corner of the room is holding a knife to his friend's face, and a trashy-looking brunette doesn’t quite make it to the ladies room before vomiting on her shoes. The jukebox is broken and playing Johnny Cash on repeat; most of the lights are buzzing in irregular intervals. But the booze is cheap. Loki has pick-pocketed only two hundred bucks before taking up a room in a motel and heading to the nearest place serving alcohol; Mystique isn’t complaining but the Brotherhood pay-checks do not exist and the less she spends money drinking the more they have in store for the Revolution.

*

They sit side by side at the counter, and somewhere around ten or eleven Loki feels he’s achieved the required level of alcohol in his blood to make his opening line to this mortal. “It’s really none of my fucking business, but you look sad.”  
The woman looks up at him, and there’s a smile playing on her lips. It’s one of the scariest smiles Loki has ever seen, and he has been to Helheim. “Not any more than you do.”  
Loki reaches towards her and they shake hands without sharing their names.  
“Another one?” he asks and waves to the serial killer looking bartender before she has time to answer.

*

“So, what does a classy guy like you do in a place like this?”

Loki looks down on his suit and has to admit it is a bit much. Automatically he brings a hand to sleek down his already perfectly set hair. “I kind of… fell here.”  
She shrugs. “It happens.”  
She’s kind of wonderful, with her blond hair and big boobs.  
“Have you…” Loki hesitates, but decides that she’s probably just as out of place as he is, “ever had this feeling you’re looking at your own hand and realize it’s fucking blue, and you just fucking know it’s more _you_ than anything you’ve ever tried to be?”  
She blinks at him, and for a fleeting moment her mouth is literally hanging open. “I think I know exactly what you mean.”

*

“You don’t happen to have a big brother?” he asks when he’s sure his tongue hasn’t been paralyzed by the third Tequila shot. As a God of Magic and Mischief he should be more than able to hold his liquor, but usually he makes others drink and stands aside laughing at them.  
“In fact I do,” she grunts and stuffs the slices of lemon inside one of her empty glasses. “Don’t get me started on that.”  
But he does, ordering more beer.

*

“You can’t imagine what it’s like! I’ve been with him for forty fucking years, and he’s never gotten over my fucking brother!”

“Forty? Aren’t you a bit too young for that?” Her boobs are _really_ nice.  
“I shape-shift for living. Keeps me young.”  
“Oh. Please do go on.”  
“That’s pretty much it. Erik got himself in prison a while ago. And guess what Charles does? He goes there to play chess with him!” She empties half of her pint with one gulp. “If they had the balls to lay it out in the open it would be bearable, but no, they play chess, decade after fucking decade. You’d think it was easier to admit that you like sucking cock than to live your whole fucking life in denial.”

*

“And it was always like that. No-one ever said anything but they still managed to make it very clear that they loved Thor more.”  
“Maybe they were just… guys being guys. You must know most guys think that punching someone is the only way to express love and companionship.”  
Loki shakes his head and the room takes a spin. “They’re warriors, and no matter what they say I’m always different with my mind-tricks.”  
“You do mind-tricks? So does Charles, and if it’s any consolation, everybody loves him. And I loved him, even though I was always the one who would punch rather than say pretty things.”

*

“My father never believed I could be worthy.”  
“My father kicked me out when he found out what I was.”  
“Cheers!”

*

They are told to get the fuck out of the bar just as they’ve memorised the lyrics and are singing along with _A Boy Named Sue_. Loki distracts the bartender to steal two bottles of whisky, and when they stumble out they’ve got their arms thrown over each other’s shoulders and a plan of stealing a car and going to see the place where Loki fell. She turns out to be surprisingly good at drunk driving.

*

In the desert in the middle of nowhere she parks the car and they take a seat on Loki’s coat laid on the ground.  
“Would you like to see what I really look like?”  
The god of magic nods, and the shape-shifter sheds her fake skin.  
Loki draws in a breath. “Oh. You’re _beautiful_.” And her boobs are even nicer this way. “Is there any chance you are partially frost giant?”  
She slaps him lazily in the face, but kisses it better with much more effort.  
“You can call me Raven.”  
“You can call me Loki.”

*

It’s awfully fun, really, making out with a mortal woman who he’s ready to dub his soulmate by now, even though he’s sure he’ll puke if he closes his eyes. The other one of the bottles is already empty and their clothes are scattered around. Loki has his fingers inside her and he’s just about ready to jump to the real action when Raven pants an ecstatic “Oh my fucking god!” and it’s all it takes to crack him into burst of most unmanly giggles.  
“What?” she grunts, suggesting with every bit of her body language that he’d better keep going with those fingers or heads are going to roll.  
“I’m a fucking god.” His laughter is slipping off to the hysterical side, and Raven has to slap him again to end it.  
“You finished?”  
Loki wipes tears from his eyes and tries his best to put on an apologetic yet sexy grin. “Not quite. Where were we?”

*

After the very un-coordinated but surprisingly satisfying act they lay down to hold hands and watch the stars above them.  
“Do you miss your home?” Raven asks gently, rubbing a thumb over the back of his hand.  
“I do. But I believe I’m going to like it here.”  
“Thor loves you. You shouldn’t doubt that.”  
“You should talk to Charles. And Erik.”  
“You are the kind of guy I’d really like to rule the world with.”  
“We should definitely have babies.”  
“They would most likely be blue.”  
“Does it matter?”  
They pass out when the first light of the sun kisses the skyline.

*

Loki wakes up alone somewhere in New Mexico to curse the fact that he’s a fucking god and cannot die of hangover.


End file.
